Its in the stars
by destiny's hope
Summary: What if bella never went to Forks at seventeen? Is she the same person 11 years later when she returns to Forks? and was her future ever destined to exist without Edward? Find out here Please R & R


What would happen if Bella never moved to Forks at seventeen? How would her life be and would she be happy? and would fate lead her to her prince charming?

R&R please........

As far back as I can remember, I have always considered myself to be a little strange, wierd even. Always the loner, I never could seem to find anyone who I could connect with, who understands me completely.

So I stumbled through life, hoping that I would have achieved something by now but having moved from Pheonix to Jacksonville, things changed, I changed.I did what I always did- adapted to my surroundings, became what others around of me expected me to be and I simply complied; I tried desperately to be like everyone else, & change who I was inside to suit those around me; but deep down no matter how much i laughed or felt emotions, i was always closed off inside because i simply could not relate to anybody.

Thats when I ended up with the wrong crowd, had I been more myself I would have stopped this happening but i was willless.

Prom came, and I couldn't face the thought of attending, dancing is like some kind of torture for me. So I hid out with a lad i considered a friend, he sat there the entire time telling me how he'd liked me for ages, declaring his love for me. I was shocked and I felt kinda sorry for him so I kissed him gently, he responded far to strong and feeling swept over me for that second that i had never felt before.

i slowly laid down, my brain screaming at me to leave, but my body took over and i, for that one split second i gave myself to him.

BIG MISTAKE !!!!!!!!

Knocked up at 17, Renee couldn't believe it, after all the years i'd spent helping her through all of her problems. She never thought i'd end up in this situation especially straight out of high school.

To be fair to Greg, he stood by the entire time, even doing "the right thing" by marrying me, I cant say this is the life i would have chose for myself but sometimes things just happen in life and you just have accept them as a blessing, and get on with it.

So by the time i was eighteen, i was married and carrying the next two years, one became two and Benjamin- Ben for short, was born.

I've spent the last ten years doing everything I can to be whats expected of me, but still that emptyness exists, eating slowly away at me.

Sometimes I barely recognise the person i've become and it haunts me a bit if i'm honest.

Still; I cannot shake off the feeling that a part of me is missing and that i've spent the last 28 years yearing, looking for that something or someone to fill the void; that emptyness that I feel inside of me.

I mean.. I should be happy.. Which, I guess I am... I could not have asked for better.

I've filled my life with wonderful children and a loving husband, but no matter how much they love me, the hole is still there and i dont know why. I mean, I love my family with all my heart and I would die for any one of them, but deep down it's not enough. I WANT MORE... Selfish isnt it? But something locked deep in my soul wants forever; eternity even and will not give up because it knows it for a fact.

I want to wake to see someone staring back at me, someone so fasinated by me, that it would take them well over a life time to discover what it is that they were looking for, and i would be there, like a shadow following every move they made as my own- standing always by their side, hand in hand forever.

For to be parted from one another, would be far too painful to bear that we would have to be almost one, our souls entwined together for history to encapsulate us in their tales and stories of how a love, so pure could survive through the ages despite everything that would stand in our way.

But alas it is but a dream, I'm sure of it. A hope that only I hold, there is no man who would want that, or me for that matter; so i've resigned myself to that fact, and instead have decided that i'm a little crazy, not men in white coat crazy, but I honestly think that my brain isn't normal.. it's constantly filled with all this wonder and possibility; it thinks about things that don't seem possible.. Or real in this life anyway- it just makes no sense at all.

I just wish I could keep a better lid on my feelings, lock them up in a little box and throw away the key. No-ones looking for me, why would they? I have very little in the way of redeeming qualilities and if i had to describe myself it would be PLAIN. Plain Jane nothing special about me, and anyway the things i want... No, NEED just don't happen in real life, just in fiction books and fairy-tales... But theres always a voice in the back of my mind, deep in my sub-concious that keeps me wondering and it just refuses to give up on the dream.

Why oh why cant i just be normal?!

Time keeps on moving though, and things were changing fast these days; and as i sat there staring out of the airplane window.. Slowly leaving the hot, sunny weather of Florida, and my old way of life behind. I wondered just what Forks would be like these days, I know I hadn't been to see Charlie in years, he'd always visit us keen to respect the way i used to feel about Forks in the past.

I still wondered if it had changed as much as my life had over the last 28 years, or if perhaps it had stayed exactly the same as if some kind of bubble had wrapped itself around it, preserving it almost. _The place that time forgot._ I chuckled to myself.

Charlie seemed exstatic that we were moving so close. whenever he called all he talked about was what we'll all be doing when we get there "Greg will be able to come fishing with me down at the res," he would say or "The kids will love the beach down at La Push." but he and I both knew that I would find it the hardest to move back to Forks, how could I not? My mother hated it so much here- she walked out with me when I was little, she couldn't handle small town life, I suppose.

I hoped that I would find it easier than Renee did, but who knows? I've never really fit in anywhere, anyway.

Gregs company had just expanded and they had an opening for a manager at their new Port Angeles branch. I wanted to stay where we was, but it was a huge step up for him and besides, I _would_ be closer to Charlie. He seemed thrilled about his new job, and I wasn't going to spoil it for him. _Whatever makes him happy,_ I thought- but I needed to be able to believe that for myself. "We will be happy here" was all I could say.

From the moment we landed, I knew what I had to look forward to RAIN and lots of it... I didn't particularly like the rain- it made me miserable; but I put a brave face on things, and tried to be positive.

It didn't take long to find our new home, and as we drove up to it I noticed how much it resembled Charlies house, I was surprised by how much i liked the house and to my shock, the beautiful sea of green that was awash in this area took me unawares. I had a feeling i was going to love it here.

It didnt take long to get in the swing of things and today was much like any other day I had since I'd been in Forks. Same routine, same chores to do. "Nothing special then typical" I said to myself, as I did the laundry. I had started to notice that I was caught up in thought a lot more frequently these days- it seemed like I talked to myself (or my mind) most of the day. _I must be going mad _I thought, I shook my head "snap out of it woman" I told myself furiously.

How can I carry on driving myself mad, scouring my brain sub-conciously for something, but never knowing what to look for and where to find it? Simply what to believe is fact or purely a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I wish I had a switch, so I could turn off all my thoughts even just for a day, so I could have at least a bit of peace.

I have been finding it hard to stay asleep since moving here, for as soon as I wake, my brains there- in full force scanning mode, tearing through my innermost thoughts, deciphering any possible reality to them, but the more I think, the more of a blur it becomes, then confusion turns into despair and my stomach starts turning in knots.

I was determined that tonight I WOULD sleep, and my brain would no longer keep me up, so resolute and absolutely determined not to let my brain defeat me, I slowly drifted into a sleep-like state..

And then, just then- i saw him...


End file.
